You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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