Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
