Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
