I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he had hair everywhere except his balls
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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