It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
