It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sober January is a disaster.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
