I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
