this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
