When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
