His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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