hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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