i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think I sprained my soul last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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