If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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