franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
