i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
