Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
