We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
