Quick, to the slutcave!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
