Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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