plz talk dirty to me
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
