8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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