She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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