I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
