loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
