is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
