You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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