I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
