What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
