shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
