Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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