Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
