It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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