my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
