SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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