I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
