Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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