11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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