What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
