So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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