He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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