This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We have started to decorate penises.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
