can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Little spoons don't ask big questions
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
