Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
