why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
