dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
