omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
