Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
