Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
