I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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