dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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