I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
