when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
