Whod you bang
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
